Every year, Singaporeans face the haze due to Indonesian forest fires. Breathing difficulties are commonplace then. A PSI reading of 300 is considered ‘life-threatening’. In June 2013, it lurched up to 401. Because the fires spread to the peatlands, and the rain didn’t come. It was unstoppable. My friends wore masks during their commutes. People stayed indoors. The sky was thick with smog.
Our emotions are unstoppable forest fires at times. When we suppress them with logic or self-medication, they build with a vengeance. Or when we entertain the thoughts and actions associated with them, they gain momentum. Past a certain tipping point, they are uncontrollable. Can you remember a time when you were so fuelled by emotion and no amount of logic could stop you? I can.
Karla’s story
I met Karla, whose friends consider the most logical and even-tempered person you’d know. But she’d sometimes set fire to her husband’s evening newspapers whilst he read it. Karla describes her childhood as ‘growing up in an open marriage gone wrong’. She thought that shaped her decisions of partners who stole her money and betrayed her. Then her husband came along. She trusts him, but there’s a part of her that’s hypervigilant for signs of cheating. Karla would counter her suspicions with logic, pretending her feelings didn’t exist. Like gas in a hydraulic pipe, they built up and burst. The fire became unstoppable.
Fast forward 3 years on, Karla doesn’t do this anymore. She’s learned to attend to her feelings. She’s learned it’s not her fault, that she’s got old scars to heal. And the most immediate way of building that muscle of a habit, is her totem.
totem
: something (such as an animal or plant) that is the symbol for a family, tribe, etc., especially among Native Americans
: a usually carved or painted figure that represents such a symbol
: a person or thing that represents an idea
(via Merriam-Webster)
That totem is a photograph of the two of them, taken during a celebration of rebuilding their lives. After battling business failure, surgery and debt together. On her phone’s lock screen, so she can see it when needed.
Find your totem
Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of tattoos of semicolons on the interwebs. That’s how I learned about Project Semicolon – “A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.”
It’s a reminder. A totem.
My clients have totems too. It doesn’t have to be a picture. For some, it’s a smell. For others, it’s a texture. The totem brings them back into the present moment. And gives them hope. The forest fire stays small and controllable. The heavens open and the rains quench the thirsty ground. Nobody needs to wear any masks.
What is your totem that symbolises your hopes, dreams and beliefs, and anchors you in the now?