You really loved him
You thought he was your soulmate. The man you’d spend the rest of your life with.
It was so magical. Then it all went wrong.
When he said it was all your fault, you worked even harder and walked on eggshells. Just to taste his love again. But it always morphed into a horror film.
And instead of someone supporting you, you had to clean up his mess and keep the secret.
You try to leave; he cries, abuses drugs, or threatens suicide. He talks of your epic cosmic love. You remember the good in him and scold yourself– I’ve ruined everything. Why can’t I be more loving? Then you overanalyse your every move.
You read stories and think “Mine’s not that bad. He doesn’t do [action]”. Or, “He doesn’t mean to. He’s been hurt by his mother/father/ex.” You make excuses.
Except. You’re over the denial— he’s a Psychopath, Narcissist, or Machiavellian. A Dark Triad Personality Type. You’re sleeping with the enemy.
He’s been abusing you. Perhaps it’s verbal, stalking or paranoia. Or he doesn’t leave scars. Or he takes your money, but you can’t complain because you can pay the bills. You feel stupid— what took you so long to see the truth? He’s so charming. He even tips waiters and gives money to buskers. He taunts you that no one will believe you.
The police support him. He’s told everyone and your couple’s therapist you’re ‘batshit crazy’, the Drama Queen and the abuser— all the things he is. He says you should be grateful he’s still here.
AS SEEN IN 32 LANGUAGES ON:
YOU SAY, MAYBE HE ISN'T A FULL-BLOWN PSYCHOPATH.
It doesn’t matter. The question is, is he good for you?
Perhaps our stories are eerily similar. You want to leave. And you need an exit strategy. Or perhaps you’ve left him.
You’re confused, exhausted and overwhelmed
A woman returns to her abuser seven times, serial dates/marries the same type, or is haunted by the demons of her abuse despite finding a great partner– it feels like a curse. I discovered seven invisible beliefs that stop us from getting him out of our system for good, finding ourselves back again, and living life fully. Most people resonate with three, some with all. How many of these apply to you?
- “I know we are special. . it feels real. If only I can just tap into that beautiful loving part of him”, “My ego needs this”, “I’m smart enough to take him on”.
- “That’s all I deserve. I keep attracting these types”— You serial date Dark Triad types. Your “friends” take advantage of you. He’s alot like your mother/father/grandparent.
- “I’ve been in therapy for years. There’s no change”, “I’m destined to be traumatised my whole life”, “I’ve lost myself, I’m too old to change”. Or you make it a competition– “It isn’t that bad, it can wait” or “My trauma is so bad I’m a goner”.
- “I’m not smart/disciplined enough to work this out”— You think you can’t survive without him because you’re too soft, or you’re afraid of his threats and sob stories.
- “The only way I’ll get better is to move to the mountains, meditate for hours everyday, or shut my heart out”
- “I’ll be logical, adopt the right mindsets and hope it’ll get better on its own”
- “I need to sort out my career/ obligations/ legal case first, I’ll figure it out”— Everything but your emotional and mental stability comes first. You think they’re a luxury.
Abuse happens to smart people. I’ve worked with directors, coaches and doctors who are successful, educated and affluent. The truth is, it’s not your fault. He’s refined the art of manipulation and false advertising. Of course he swept you off your feet.
You fell in love with a person who doesn’t exist.
You can break the curse. You have permission to run fast and far.
"Exceeded all my expectations"ELIZABETH CORDARO, DIRECTOR
"I closed my past"F, Healthcare Professional
"Incredibly knowledgable"Business Insider
“Perpetua understands people, human behaviour, psychology, and relationships. She is a great resource about Dark Triad Personality types. Our articles do so well.”
"I stood up to him"M, HOSPITALITY PROFESSIONAL
“My physician misprescribed. DrP taught me how to take care of myself for the first time. My father no longer makes me agitated and frantic. I stood up to him and a toxic friend. For the first time in a long time, I’m working towards career progression. I feel more energetic and my IBS has improved.”
Detox Your Heart
My signature program with the exact tactics, word-for-word scripts and psychological strategies to crack the code of getting him and his type out of your system for good, so you find yourself again, sleep soundly and thrive.
Go from exhausted to in-control by developing the deep inner skills of transforming your pain into unbreakable strength, and gain an instant edge in your confidence, especially if you have to deal with him still.
Because you’ve done the communication strategies, therapy and every trick in the playbook. Managing the problem with a toxic person only burns your time, empathy and energy. It’s time to master the situation.
It’s a house of cards and you’re the foundation. You can only deal with your career, relationships and obligations if your emotional and mental core is strong and stable.
It’s an inside job. Everything else is band aid and duct tape.
ESPECIALLY IF YOU'VE LOST YOURSELF
You don’t look or feel like you. Your confidence is gone. You’re not living. And when your rational mind cannot hold the fort, you break down. Your past owns you.
OR YOU'VE GOT A COURT CASE
Your children whom he uses against you, or your assets he’s trying to steal. The court is an abuser’s stage. They know which buttons to push so you look unstable, hellbent on destroying you.
AND YOU'VE HAD YEARS OF THERAPY
They say pray, men are like that, or he’s “a little immature”. You cry your eyes out for days, convinced you can’t deal with it yourself. Or, they say “write a letter” and it’s case closed.
"My doctors didn't understand"
"I thought I was stuck"
"Now I own my power"
“I’ve been through alot of therapy before. They make you stay in your head. Now I’ve stopped feeling sorry for my ex. Now I own my power.”
“Learn to heal properly or you may find old wounds bleeding into your present” - Samantha King, Poet
What you'll get:--
RELEASING TRAUMA & FEAR
Instead of ‘managing’ the nightmares and times you’re sucked back into the past— down to the smells, sounds and tastes— you’ll crack the code of healing. Trauma is stored in our cells and cannot be talked away. That’s why we can chant mantras, but if a part of us doesn’t believe it, we can’t live up to it. You’ll release trauma via simple methods. You’ll learn how to explain your experiences to others, so they can support you. And you’ll stop fearing him.
TIME, ENERGY & HEADSPACE
Even if your vacations can’t cure your exhaustion and you’re caring for yourself the best you know how to, you’ll learn to reclaim your strength, vitality and find yourself again without psychiatric medication. How do you deal with always being on high alert about everything, a chaotic mind, or panic attacks? How do you stop thinking about him 24/7? How do you stop feeling bad about thinking badly about him, and silence the voice that says “It’s all your fault, you’re not good enough?”. What do you do about that tense body breaking out in allergies, and shattered immune system? You’ll discover the deep strategy of mastering your time, mind and energy. If you comfort-eat, we’ll engineer simple systems of tasty nourishing meals to feed your body and mind, not celery sticks and starvation.
Instead of seeing yourself as stupid, you’ll close the past. When trauma is unresolved, we repeat the lesson or our children inherit it— perhaps you’ve even seen them getting hurt from giving too much or worse, being like your abuser. You’ll uncover the Why behind the attraction, so your mind gets closure. You’ll learn to identify such people, repel them or deal with them. You may have had therapy sessions telling you to forgive him. No. This is all about you, not him. You’ll forgive and trust yourself again— especially if you’ve been gaslighted— transforming your past into strength.
WRITING YOUR NEXT CHAPTER
If you’re afraid of your Brave New World— making new friends, moving, career changes— we’ll develop your vision and engineer systems to keep you there effortlessly, without having to look for motivation. As you feel lighter and more energetic, how do you deal with questions like “What do I do now without the trauma? Who am I?”, “How do I tell people about my past in an empowering way?” and “Do I deserve to let go of my past?”. How do you mourn your past? We’ll break patterns of self-sabotage that everybody has, to maximise your success.
STRONG, GRACEFUL BOUNDARIES
Instead of being The Good Girl, you’ll learn healthy boundaries that command respect, without feeling selfish or guilty. How do you say no and navigate conflict without fearing people will leave you? How do you stop over-giving, rescuing and pleasing everyone? How do you believe in your boundaries? And how do you banish all the false ’friends’? You’ll receive the word-for-word scripts and curate your relationships, so empathy becomes your superpower, not your kryptonite.
AN EXIT PLAN
If you don’t know how to leave or fear you’ll return, we’ll craft an exit plan, guide you through the logistics, and keep you accountable so you never return to your ex-partner. How do you navigate the situation when he inevitably contacts you again, because that’s what they do— to tell you they want to thank you or say sorry, to make you jealous, or to soften you during your birthday. Even if you still love him, or you fear the mess of separation.
WISE BATTLE STRATEGY
Instead of feeling overwhelmed about navigating your court case, you’ll become masterful at presenting your most controlled self, strategising and making wise decisions. Even when you’re put on the spot, and even if the case is fought in a different country. You’ll be armed with a deep understanding of a psychopath’s mind as you go into battle. You’ll learn from the ancient and present-day masters in strategy to maximise your odds of justice.
In Greek mythology, Hydra grows three more heads when you cut off one. That’s resilience. That’s better than the cat with nine lives. That could be you.
Here's how your metamorphosis will unfold
In this 8-week journey, we’ll work on detoxing your heart and life of your abuser and anybody else toxic. This way, we support the most magnificent version of you to emerge, in a way that honours your life journey and personality. We’ll work in-person if you’re in Brighton (UK), or over Facetime/Skype.
- This is a tailored, structured program that gives you the high-level tools to crack the blocks that have been holding you back, break old patterns and replace them with systems that maintain lasting transformation.
- It’s specific, with the exact examples, concepts and praises you can use right now. It’s rapid, with skills you can use for the rest of your life. And it’s practical. You reflect and become wiser, and you also have precise actionable steps to build these inner skills into your everyday life
- You’ll receive personalised scripts and strategies to transform your past into strength and close it, and live your next chapter.
- We’ll work with flowcharts, checklists and contingency plans so you’ll be in-control.
- You’ll receive simple, time-friendly neuroscience-backed homework to flex your new muscles of confidence.
- I can work with your doctors, lawyers or other members of your support system.
WE'LL INPUT THAT INTO
The Neo Formula
Week 1: 1 x 120-minutes
We join the dots so your mind gets closure, and get clear on your goals and intentions to seed your future.
Weeks 2-7: 6 x 60-minutes
Simple lifestyle redesign, busting old patterns and engineering systems to master your time, mind and energy.
Week 8: 1 x 60-minutes
We celebrate your successes, integrate your new skills, and chart your future so you soar.
DrP’s Direct Line: 1-1 support via email/ WhatsApp/ iMessage, and 10 Minute Booster Calls. In case you ever need clarification, additional support or last-minute preparation. (Value: £997)
The Neo Audit: A 60-minute audit of the rituals, patterns and people in your life to tweak for enhanced sleep, energy and purpose-filled days (Value: £247)
Detox Your Heart is for you if:--
- You’re the classic overachiever. You give too much, then you burn out. But you give yourself scraps of time. You say some things aren’t worth confronting, and don’t want to be seen as negative or a burden, so you can’t say no. But you don’t feel appreciated. You always hope that good will prevail, even in bad people. And if you’re a parent, you work too hard to be the parent you never had.
- You’re open to admitting that your old ways of ‘managing the problem’ need to change. And you don’t want to sit for years on a therapist’s couch, going around in circles, haemorrhaging your time, money and energy.
- You want to stop blindly chasing after the next Three Letter Miracle hype and the conventional advice that hasn’t worked, and instead emulate proven methods that have helped others who were once in your position.
- You’re ready to break old patterns and stories that bad relationships and trauma are all you’ll ever get. And you don’t want to see yourself as a ‘victim’.
- You’ve gotten as far as you can on your own, but you know that what got you here won’t get you there, and you want an extra push to cross the bridge to success. Because you care about the long-term.
- You want him and his type out of your system for good.
How can I ask you my questions about working together?
You can schedule a free 20-minute Chemistry Call, so we have a feel of how we communicate and collaborate. Here’s where you can clarify expectations and negotiate how we’ll partner together. You’ll be directed to a short questionnaire, to maximise your benefits from the call.
What do you mean by ‘tailored to my personality’?
Everybody is wired differently— introvert vs extrovert, night owl vs early bird, loves spontaneity vs order, etcetera. Often, we shoehorn our personality into something else, or see how we’re wired as a curse. We’ll tailor our work to fit your personality by leveraging your strengths. And your challenges? In the words of MysticMedusa, we’ll “mutate them into your superpowers”.
What is working together like?
One word: Partnership. Here’s what to expect in our journey:—
- An overarching strategy, structure and accountability: Your command center.
- Tailored solutions: We’ll design flowcharts, scripts and tactics of what to do in which scenario so you feel in-control.
- Transparency and directness: We clarify questions and doubts. You give candid feedback about what you want more/less of. I tell you my opinion.
- Lean To-Do List: Prioritising/adding what’s key, removing what isn’t so you laser-focus, engineering systems to make your new habits effortless
- Explanations: The concise Why and science behind what we do. So your brain gets on-board and works with you.
- Reviews: Integrating reflections and wisdom, refining our partnership, celebrating your successes.
How do my clients describe working together? “Faster results than I ever expected”, “Tough love”, “Surprisingly, I have a lot of fun”, “Life-changing”. Why? I’m a convent-educated Singaporean— we’re global citizens, Type A, have thick skins and are direct.
I’m a very busy person. Tell me more about homework.
You won’t have to write essays and reports. Everything’s designed to be short, simple and time-friendly. They’re habits you practise to grow new metaphorical muscles, weekly challenge, or reflective questions. Don’t want to write? You can do it via voice message!
I understand the coaching and neuroscience bit. But how does your psychotherapy background come into play?
- Telling ourselves “You’ve got this” and “You’re strong” only works partly. That’s because the belief isn’t real, and we’re run by another story we tell ourselves, even if it isn’t true (anymore). You can’t talk or rationalise that away. They live in our cells and organs, and therapy techniques exorcise these old demons of shame, trauma and pain. Everyday life events can cause trauma-like symptoms, not just when you’ve had your life threatened.
- We deal with the emotional complexity of being human.
- We join the dots, so your mind gets closure and you stop repeating the pattern— but we’re surprised about the origins of a pattern, and feel angry or stupid about it or having ‘wasted [your] life’. We master these feelings so they stop controlling you.
Tell me about DrP’s Direct Line
If you have questions, need additional suport or want to clarify anything, you have a direct line to me. I’ll respond within 24-48 hours; timezone-permitting, it’s often prompt. You reach me via (1) email (2) iMessage and WhatsApp; and you can schedule additional Ten Minute Booster Call as part of your VIP benefits.
8 weeks feels like a short time. Can we work together for longer?
- You’ll see the bulk of your breakthroughs within the first three weeks. For the rest of the time, we’ll refine your new skills, habits and mindsets.
- You can make it 12 weeks, with breaks to integrate and reflect.
- Clients who continue working together want to address other things, keep me on retainer to check-in with their progress, or are in Growth Phase and want to keep the momentum going.
I live in the USA/Australia. How do we work together?
I serve an international clientele via FaceTime and Skype.
Do you take insurance?
Yes, for psychotherapy sessions in the UK. I’m registered with AVIVA, AXA PPP, VitalityHealth and WPA. You can ask your GP or psychiatrist for a referral.
Do you work with men and LGBTQ?
Yes. 30% of my clients are men. I’m kink-knowledgable, and specialised in Sexual Health Psychology in London’s Chelsea & Westminster Hospital for a year. Most of my clients there were LGBTQ+, and that was my favourite 9-to-5 stint.
I have a healthy romantic relationship, and want to heal from my parent’s abuse. Do you do that?
Do you work in other languages?
Yes, I work in Mandarin-Chinese.
How do your busy clients find time to work with you?
When we want something badly enough, we dedicate time and space for it. I have clients who FaceTime me from their cars during lunch break, or book meeting rooms to work together. I also have clients who schedule evening sessions after work.
What’s your typical client profile?
My clients are busy Type A personalties— ambitious, perfectionist and goal-driven– who take calculated risks. They’re cerebral and logical, live in their head, and half of them resonate with Spock’s rationality. They want to leave their mark on the world, and are often at a point where seek to integrate the different parts of their identity and life, gain mastery of something (e.g. goal, challenge, mind), and live purposefully. Most of them are on the road towards that, and want accountability, structure and expert help to get lasting results fast. They want to know the hows and whys, but they’re not interested in simply talking for years without change. They want to roll up their sleeves and get things done, and do not allow challenges to absorb them completely. Instead, they’re willing to harness their mental capacity and resources to work through. 70% of them are spiritual, and seek wisdom from the ancient traditions like Eastern philosophy, archetypes and astrology.
I’d like you to coach/speak at my organisation. Do you do that?
"So proud of myself"M, 40s, Hospitality
"My Detoxifier"Siena Hoggianto, Fashion & Strategy
"I can let go now"F, 40s, Executive
"You are a lifesaver"F, 40s, Executive
My challenge to you:--
You’ve just been through some of the secrets my clients and myself have used to get the abusive ex out of our systems for good, find ourselves again, and thrive.
You’ve seen the importance of using an intelligent approach— engineered systems, not motivation or information. You’ve seen how talking about it or trying to blatantly ‘mindset’ it away doesn’t work. And you’ve seen how fundamentally, it starts with you taking control.
We’ve all walked out of a class, seminar or finished a book, feeling all fired up. Now, think back to what happened days later. Did the motivation last?
That’s what Detox Your Heart is designed to do— to recognise that we need a little support, and to keep us focused on the most important things instead of getting distracted and discouraged. Or telling ourselves we’ll just ‘manage the problem’ and sort other things out in our lives first.
Healing from domestic violence is hard. At best, nobody teaches us how. At worst, people give us advice that makes everything worse. Remember the last time someone told you to ‘just think positive’ or ‘exercise’?
And I promise you, I won’t sell you bullshit spiritual platitudes like “You attracted him because he’s a reflection of you”, ask you to let go of your ego and forgive him, or tell you to meditate two hours daily. If you’re spiritual, we’ll do practical spiritual— something that feeds and heals you.
If you’ve taken the time to read this, it’s clear you want to make a change
"You kept me safe"
“I was scared, desperate and very alone. I knew I needed to make a change to leave my abuser but lacked the tactical tools and emotional support. DrP helped me navigate the wide and confusing range of emotions. I realised my strength and power, as we drew the dots between patterns from 20 years ago to its effect on the present day. Today I accomplish the things I want to do and am helping other women in similar situations.”
"I am strong enough"
“I chose to work with DrP because she understands. I looked at how joyful she is and she inspires me. I used to think that I was not on the same level with my abuser. Now I feel I can step into his territory and fight my legal battles”.
"I can breathe again"
“I know my mom is never going to be the mom I want. But I am chilled about life in a more thoughtful way rather than having to keep achieving. I am more productive. I used to be calm on the outside but really angry. My lungs feel like they can breathe again.”
"Spoke to my soul"
"No more drama!"
“It feels so weird that there’s no more trauma and crisis happening, we can focus on my career advancement now!”
Some people choose to remain stuck. Others choose Detox Your Heart.
Madness is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome. Einstein said it; you and I have seen it.
We all know the people who see themselves as victims. They think they’ll need to be in such awful relationships all their lives, serial-dating whilst praying “Please don’t be a psychopath” before their next date. We’ve met the person who’s found an amazing partner but cannot fully enjoy or trust life. Their past owns them.
Fast forward in your own life: What if you did nothing differently today, and ended up like them tomorrow?
You know the problem won’t go away on its own.
Over time, we either learn to become more helpless or resilient.
YOU HAVE THREE CHOICES TODAY
- You can continue believing that Detox Your Heart is for people who’ve been through worse, are less soft-hearted, or have more mental discipline.
- You can tell yourself that you need to ‘figure it out’ first, sort out your career, obligations and legal case. Will that day ever come, though?
- Or you can take action— following a proven plan and tested techniques that have worked to help people like you and I get the abuse out of our systems, find ourselves again, and know that we’ll always be working on the things we love in our life.
And nobody can ever take this away from you.
A YEAR FROM NOW, YOU'LL BE A YEAR OLDER.
Where would you like to see yourself? What are you going to do today?
Click on ‘Detox My Heart‘ to schedule your complimentary Chemistry Call or ask me your burning questions. Your future and younger selves will thank you.
PraiseWhat the experts & industry peers are saying
Seattle StartUp Week
Perpetua is one of those people who makes me shrink, she has achieved so much in so little time it makes my mind boggle. Quick to smile, slow to judge, she's clearly an outstanding person. Perpetua is an outstanding speaker, brings to life her glorious speech through exceptional language. 5 mins with Dr Perpetua Neo can transform your networking success.