Bella loses weight and regains it, but Jane keeps it off. Arnold gets out of depression but falls back when triggered; Luke has the same experiences but feels confident. He rides the waves, emerging stronger.

What’s the biggest difference between those who change temporarily, and those who create lasting change? Today’s world is one of Quick Wins– step-by-step guides, strategies and hacks. I love them. They’re easy enough, some well-tested, and efficient. But they’re aren’t enough alone. You know how you have a mini-breakthrough but feel deflated later? That happens when you only do Quick Wins.

Sharon believed she was ‘bad at talking’. The script she downloaded worked, but she couldn’t do it 2 weeks later. Her mind was so used to telling her “You’re bad at talking, just give up”. Yes, those large throbbing muscles of Habit. What Sharon didn’t realise was her real fear– embarrassing herself. We can be like Sharon, fixing the symptom but not understanding the cause. Because we underestimate the importance of knowing our minds. 

The mind is. .

how to change your life mind know yourself labyrinth rabbit hole tornado

a deep rabbit hole, a labyrinth . . and sometimes, a tornado.

how to change your life mind know yourself mind iceberg unconscious digging deep

And most of what you think you know about your mind, you don’t. Like an iceberg, an ingrown hair, and the earth’s core, there’s more than we realise. What’s below the surface drives us. It also trips us up. Think Sharon’s deeply-held beliefs that she wasn’t aware of.

How to change your life: Quick Wins + Digging Deep

Sharon dug deeper. She realised that her fear came from a time when mean classmates laughed at her. Feeling traumatised, her young mind concluded that she was ‘bad at talking to others’. So she never learned the skills and avoided opportunities to speak. She’d tell herself, ‘Oh Sharon, you’re so useless’. When Sharon understood that it was her fear she’d to overcome, she could apply her Quick Wins script, aware that her mind would try to trip her up. But she knew how to respond now.

Some people ask, “But won’t it take forever to know myself? I don’t just want to be stuck talking about the past.” The balance is fine, and the red line is thin. In my work, the aim isn’t analysis-paralysis, debating till-kingdom-come and not doing anything else. It’s about clarifying past situations that have trained your mind to hold you back.

I see Digging Deep and Quick Wins as soulmates. Quick Wins are easy enough, and they give you the feeling that you’re winning. They’re great confidence boosters. Digging Deep helps you know yourself and what will trip you up. So you can conquer them.

Together, they’re how to change your life and achieve your goals.

What are your experiences with (1) Quick Wins, (2) Digging Deep, and (3) both? Share your insight and help someone with the same experiences. Leave a comment or Pop me a mail. PS I read every email. [Credit: Images of rabbit hole, tornado & labyrinth; Header via SomaFest]


Author Perpetua Neo

I’ve been helping people solve problems, reach goals and create change for the past 13 years. Along the way, I’ve moved across continents and picked up the credentials to specialise in mental health and wellbeing. And learned from Life what it means to be human- the laughter, tears and everything in-between. But really, I want to live in a world where people sleep peacefully at night, wake up looking forward to the day, and are kind to each other. In that world, we know that we’re worthy. And whatever life throws at us, we know can handle.

More posts by Perpetua Neo